i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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