would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
