You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
