I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
