It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
