4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
