So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
