So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
