so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
