you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
