the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
