I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
