I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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