Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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