Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
