I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
