with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i believe in u and ur pee
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
