I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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