he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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