you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
