and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
