just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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