Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
