apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
