We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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