I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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