I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
