I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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