Hey man sorry I got all grabby
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
