i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
