Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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