Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Say something about gay babies.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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