I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
