I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
