Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
