Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
