im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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