A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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