I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
