God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
