Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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