he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
