Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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