I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
