I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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