I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
