i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
