Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
