The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
