i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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