Don't you send me to vm
So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I hate your face
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
